Train Derailed

I think I have lived long enough to have many choice experiences in my life.  Some of my choice experiences have been welcomed, sone not even wanted. Some experiences welcomed with open arms because they are immediately recognized as choice.

Other times the experiences come very unexpected and with that often not welcomed at first.
 Certainly not welcomed with open arms.  Time and perspective then allows a renewed vision of choice opportunity.

I have have had times in life when poignant emotions come with experiences. And then surprising times when there should be emotions but the fact is I haven't been able to feel many emotions.  I have thought some of those times it is a blessing to not feel too deeply.  Other times a real concern that I cannot feel very deeply.

I have often wondered if no feelings allow and buffer me so I can carry on, where if I felt too deeply it would impair movement and onward motion.

I have a firm belief that we are here on this earth for growing experiences.  I also have a firm belief that families are Eternal.

When I was derailed by family this week and found myself in a train wreck.  This time my feeling are more than poignant.  They are painful and ugly and not wanted.  I am finding I have to own these feelings, look myself in the mirror and change what I do not like that I see.

This is not easy for me.  This is a huge challenge of many years. This will require more strength than I have had to muster up in many years. I have a Savior that I will have to rely heavily on. I know it won't be tomorrow but I hope in time I  will come out of this more loving, more peaceful, more forgiving, less hurting and much more giving and looking outward.

Timetable: who knows but wish me luck, The pain I feel cannot stay with me too long or I will become immovable without forward motion.